Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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