If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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