He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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