I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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