Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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