seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
