Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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