we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When are your genitals available?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
