life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
