He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
