yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
