Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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