no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
