This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
