This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
