just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
