whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
