Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
