i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
