I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
