Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're too hungover to prance.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
