yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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