I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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