you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
