That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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