Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
