then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is Oprah even human
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
