wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
