so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
