i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
