Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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