clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
