A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
