My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
