and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
