i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
