I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Text me some of your sweat
how does that bad decision feel?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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