Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
