im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
