I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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