Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
