What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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