Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
