Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
