I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
