nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You can't special order awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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