U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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