I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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