ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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