Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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