Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
