We won't sleep together?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to jail i love you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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