Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
