I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
