I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
