She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
