The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
