Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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