why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
