The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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