eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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