You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
