dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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