like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
