Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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