I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
