i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
